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What will St 'in the Nick' bring you this Xmas?

Tuesday, 25 November 2014

If you're struggling to think of what to buy friends or family this Christmas, have no fear! We've made a list of the buys and don't buys (honestly, some of them are criminal) to guide you.

  1. Because children aged three and above regularly say 'let's play quash dissent and seriously curtail civil and political freedoms', Playmobil have made a riot police playset. It comes complete with pistols, truncheons, shields and attack dog, just in case there are any particularly free-thinking three inch plastic figures knocking about. To complete the scene, why not buy occupy or anti-fracking protester sets.
  2. Breaking Bad crystal meth lab dolls, for the budding chemist. Accessories include Hazmat suits, pistols, bags of dollar, and rocks of crytal meth. Retails at $17.99. Street price: $10. You can purchase on credit, but if you fail to pay up some bad guys with guns come round.
  3. Want to play roulette with air traffic? Buy a drone. With little to no regulation, there's no limit to the fun you can have!
  4. If you think you could do better than Bentham, maybe try Prison Architect. You get to design, build and run a prison. Crowdsourcing prison design: Grayling's next big idea to boost innovation! 
  5. If you're more interested in the profit making potential of prisons and want to give G4S and Serco a run for their money, penal industrial complex inspired Prison Tycoon is for you. 
  6. For any kippers out there, Papers, Please is a game where you get to play at being an immigration officer. 
  7. For the fashion conscious there's this t-shirt, calling for bigger cages and longer chains. Word on the street is that this is top of Chris Grayling's xmas list.

If your nearest and dearest are a bit more subversive, then how about the following;

  1. We are all born free is a book by Amnesty International full of illustrations by artists depicting their interpretation of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights. It's designed to make the Articles accessible to children as young as six.
  2. A is for activist is an illustrated alternative alphabet book for kids who want to grow up to fight the man. If your children refuse to sit on the naughty step, have started dirty protests, or are on a hunger strike from sprouts, this book may be for them.
  3. Written along similar lines, Tales for little rebels is a collection of 43 short stories by twentieth centuries leftists. Most of them are out of print because of the end of history, but these authors have searched them out because peace, civil rights, gender equality, environmental repsonsibility and the dignity of labour are, y'know. important.
  4. Dubbed as 'the greatest thing to ever exist', Class Struggle the board game is available from popular auction sites. 

Remember to leave a glass of brandy out for santa, cos with all this he's gonna need it.